Sunday, December 13, 2020

MY BOOK IS ON GOODREADS!

Don't mind me, I'm just hiding under my desk and freaking out about the fact that MY BOOK IS ON GOODREADS!

All these years, I've said you're a writer the minute you decide to write things. But seeing my book up on Goodreads is...it's just really heavy. I didn't expect that.

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

*Tap, Tap, Tap*

Is this thing on? I have a little update...

I GOT A BOOK DEAL! My Contemporary Young Adult novel, BETWEEN SAFE AND REAL, will be published my Melange Books in February 2022! 


Stay tuned for more  updates, like my cover reveal and pre-order campaign! Until then, I owe a million thanks to so many people. 

Thank you to my agent, Tina Schwartz. Her passion and tireless championing of Zoe's story kept me going when my spirits lagged.

Thank you to my amazing husband. Stirling, thank you for loving me even when I can't keep my head out of the clouds. Or maybe especially when I can't keep my head out of the clouds!

To the amazing folks who work their tails off to put DFWCon together every year...THANK YOU! I'm a better writer because of the con.

To my soul-siblings and wing-people I met through DFWCon, you know who you are and you know exactly what you mean to me.  I love you and am beyond humbled that you still let me sit with you at the cool table!

Never ever give up on your dreams! I'm living proof that there's no such thing as too old to live your dreams.


Sunday, March 29, 2020

Dannie Signing with Literary Agent

Knock Knock... Groan...Who's there? It's me, an officially agented author! I'm thrilled to announce that after a lifetime of chasing this dream of being an author, I have signed a contract with Tina P. Schwartz of The Purcell Agency. After one more small round of edits and tweaks, she'll approach actual publishing companies with my young adult novel!

Friday, May 4, 2018

The Canyon

Prompt: There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in--Leonard Cohen

I shivered and stared at the long crack, which started halfway up my wall and ended at the floor, and imagined I was a teeny-tiny ant. No, smaller than an ant. An amoeba or something, and the crack was a gigantic canyon carved deep into red-brown mountains. I could usually wish myself into any world I could dream up, but this time was different. Her shouting was louder. Scarier. Just when I got to the point where I could almost imagine hiking down into the canyon, just when I could almost smell the dirt and hear the wind in the trees, I snapped back to my mattress on the dirty brown carpet in this freezing room in this smelly old apartment. I wasn't usually scared, but this time, I was. Part of me wanted to open my door and sneak down the hall to see if things were okay, but something deep inside told me to go exploring the canyon instead.

Mother screamed and something hit the wall so hard that if I had been down in my wall canyon, I would have turned the sound into thunder. Why couldn't I disappear this time? What was wrong with me?

Daddy's low voice rumbled, and I thought about thunder again. If thunder had a voice that could calm lightning down, it would sound just like Daddy. Still, I wished he'd stop talking. It never helps. Thunder is just noise. It's harmless. Lightning, though...lightning can burn the house down. It can kill you.

"Don't be so stupid, Libby. She's not lightning and she's not gonna kill anybody."

Sometimes saying things out loud makes me feel better, like I can make it real. I have to be careful what I say out loud, though, because if some of the things I think really happened, I'd live in a world with no lightning. Maybe that might seem like a relief, but without lightning, there'd be no thunder. Then where would I be? In some orphanage run by scary nuns like Mother is always threatening to send me to? No way, Jose. I'll take my chances with being zapped.

I don't know how long I slept, but when I woke up, my room was dark. The street lamp outside my window was busted out ages ago, so no light came through the cracks in my blinds.

Stupid, I thought as I remembered we didn't have electricity. I should have taken a shower while it was still light.

The whole apartment was quiet, and I wondered if it was safe to make my way to the kitchen to find something to eat. Sometimes after a big fight, Mother and Daddy went to their room for a nap. Sometimes, they left me all alone in the apartment and would be gone until the next day. If either of those things happened, I'd be safe. My stomach grumbled and I thought about what I could make myself for dinner. Maybe I could bring a spoon and the peanut butter back to my room. And Daddy's thermos. I could fill it up with water and bring that back, too, because peanut butter always makes me thirsty. I opened my bedroom door and listened. I held my breath and imagined my ears growing as big as a bat's. Bigger. As big as Dumbo's. So big, I could hear Mother blinking if I concentrated hard enough.

I was about to step into the dark hallway when I remembered the last time I thought it was safe after a fight. I walked into the kitchen and froze when I saw her sitting at the table. She was smoking a cigarette, the ashes a long, grey snake. The heavy green ashtray sat in front of her, heaped with a miniature mountain of butts. Her eyes were far away and she didn't seem to notice me. I turned around to go back to my room, but before I could take a single step, the ashtray smashed the wall next to me. Ashes stung my eyes and the ashtray clanked to the floor in three big chunks.

"See what you made me do," she screamed after me as I ran back to my room. Somewhere between between the kitchen and my bedroom, I had an accident.

“Stupid baby,” I whispered as I quietly clicked my door shut.

"No way, Jose." A grumbly stomach wasn't worth the risk. I shut my door and moved back to my mattress. I climbed under the old blanket and wrapped myself up like a burrito, only I left my face poking out so I could see and breathe.

After a few minutes, I got tired of lying in the complete dark. The stick on the blinds was missing, and if you pulled on the string, the blinds went up all crookedy and got tangled, but even a little light from outside would be better than sitting in a freezing cave. When I got the blinds up as far as I could, I went back to my mattress and stared at the crack. At first I had to stare so hard my eyes hurt, but after a few minutes something happened.

A thin thread of golden light started at the top of my wall canyon and moved like the sun all the way down to the bottom. I watched, not breathing, not blinking, until my eyes burned and I had to squeeze them shut against tears. When the light hit the bottom of the canyon, it got a little brighter and moved back up to the top of the crack. Warm, golden light soaked the wall like some kind of weird paint.

"I must be dreaming," I thought. I walked over to the wall, reached my hand toward the light, and pulled it away. It was warm! How could that be?

The light kept moving up and down the crack, getting brighter each time it came to an end. After a while my whole room was filled with light as warm and bright as the sun. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. The sun made orangey-red patterns behind my eyes. My face was close-to-a-campfire warm. Keeping my eyes closed in case opening them made this wonderful dream go away, I lowered myself to the floor and sat cross-legged. I didn't think anything at all as I let the sun wrap me up. I just sat there feeling safe and warm.

Wind whistled through treetops and I opened my eyes. I wasn't in my room anymore. The dirty carpet had turned to dirt underneath me. I was in my canyon. I had managed to wish myself there after all!

"Woo-hoo!" My voice bounced off the steep canyon walls. I jumped up and down until I ran out of breath, got dizzy, and had to sit down. The canyon in my imagination was so much smaller than this one was. In my mind, I was able to throw a stone from one wall and it would hit the other. This one's walls were too far apart for that. I dug my feet into the powdery, hot earth and wished I was wearing shoes instead of just old, holey socks.

In geography, we learned that The Grand Canyon was carved by a river over the course of billions of years. Just thinking about all that water made my throat burn with thirst. I scanned both directions, looking for signs of water. Nothing. I'd have to go exploring. Either that, or try to wish myself back home and risk an ashtray to the head in the kitchen.



I hadn't been walking all that long when I heard a sort of trickle-splash coming from around the bend. I tucked my head and ran as fast as I could, ignoring the fact I learned in science: Water out in the world usually isn't safe to drink. It's contaminated with all sorts of bacteria that can make you sick or kill you. It didn't much matter, though. I was so thirsty, I would have picked up a dog bowl and gulped it all down.

Around the bend, the canyon spread out even wider and I lost the feeling I was even in a canyon. Now, I was in a in a meadow or prairie or something. I couldn't remember the difference, but it didn't matter. Canyons don't work like that. They don't go from deep to flat just like that, but what did it matter? All of this was in my head anyway. Sure, it felt real, but I knew I was huddled in my blanket in my dark room. This was all just a pleasant dream, and I was going to enjoy every second of it. Starting with the cabin I somehow hadn’t noticed right away.

I didn’t even think twice as I walked up the sturdy front steps. Lacy white grandma curtains hung in the open front windows and the breeze poofed them in and out. The front door was open and inside, dishes clanked together as a lady hummed. Something inside made my mouth water and my stomach grumble. It was too inviting not to go inside.



“Hi, Libby!” The beautiful woman smiled at me like she’d been waiting for me all day. “Come in, sit down. Lunch is ready, honey.”

She gestured at the small table set for two. A loaf of bread bread, still warm-smelling from the oven, sat next to a big pot of something thick and brown. I wondered it if was stew. I’d never had stew before, but always wanted to try it. But as much as I wanted to sit and shove my face full of food, I stood in the  archway between the front entry and the dining room.

“Oh, honey, don’t be shy. I know you didn’t come all this way to just stare at me. Sit, eat!”
“Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” I slid into the nearest chair and tried not to let my mouth water. Why not? Whatever the lady gave me to eat in this dream had to be better than the big Nothing Sandwich I’d have if I let myself wake up.

“I  appreciate your manners.” She took my bowl and heaped the brown stuff into it. “But there’s no need to stand on formality here. You can call me Margot.” She set the bowl in front of me and began filling the second bowl for herself.

“Thank you, M--Margot.” I shoveled a heaping spoonful into my mouth and didn’t even care when it burned my tongue.

I had so many questions. Who was she? How did she know my name? How did she know I was coming? How did she know I was starving?


“Is any of this real?” I dipped a hunk of bread into the stew. Definitely stew.

“As real as anything, I suppose. What’s it matter? Real or not, you’re here now, so you may as well fill that empty belly of yours and get some rest. You certainly deserve it.

The more I ate, the less important my questions seemed, and by the time I finished my second bowl, I had almost forgotten I didn’t belong here. Really, I think I would have forgotten all the way if I hadn’t heard mother calling from far away. I dropped my spoon and stood up so fast, I knocked my chair over.

“I have to go.”

“Nonsense.” she picked up my chair and refilled my water glass. “Of course you’re welcome to leave if you like, but it’d be wonderful if you’d consider staying. Nobody can get you here, Libby. And I promise you’ll always have plenty of food and a warm bed.”

“Libby,” Mother called again. Fainter this time. Like she was walking away from me.

“I don’t know. Mother needs me.”

“I know she does, Sweetie. And if you must go back to her, then go. But you need a mother. Someone to look after you and keep you safe. Someone to be the adult while you get to be a kid. I think you know she’s never going to be able to do that for you. Not her, or your daddy.”

As if he heard Margot say his name, Daddy shouted for me. Louder than Mother, but still distant. Still far away.

“I can’t.” I almost couldn’t get the words out. I wanted to stay so bad it hurt.”I can’t just leave them.” I looked up at Margot and she smiled.
“You already did, sweetheart, and that was the hard part. I promise.” She set a piece of chocolate cake in front of me.

“Libby!” Mother and Daddy called again. Only this time, I could barely hear them at all.

“Maybe I’ll go back later.” I drug my finger through the thick frosting and licked.

Margot smiled, but didn’t say anything.

I closed my eyes and listened for Mother and Daddy again, but all I could hear was the wind in the trees and the sound of Margot’s fork hitting the plate as she dug into her cake.





Saturday, April 28, 2018

Stick Together

Have I ever mentioned that I'm an introvert who happens to be terrified of public speaking? Have I ever mentioned that I am a writer partly because I just don't know how to go about peopling, especially in public?

On Valentine's night, I did the most terrifying thing I've ever done. I stood up on a stage and told a painful, true story to 400 strangers. After the show I couldn't even curl into a ball and will myself invisible. I had to gasp PEOPLE IN PUBLIC. I expected to just stand around awkwardly for an hour, but I was amazed and humbled that so many people took the time to talk to me. To thank me for sharing my story. To tell me how brave and strong I am. I had people hug me and tell me I helped them see that it's okay to cut toxic or abusive people from their lives, too. Of all the things I didn't expect to happen after the show, perhaps the biggest surprise was simply that my story resonated with people and I helped them.

I'm proud of myself. I pushed myself so far out of my comfort zone, climbing a mountain without shoes seemed like a safer idea. I thought about giving up a thousand times. I worried myself so sick, I thought I was going to vomit at least twice a day the week before the performance. But the thing about me is I'm stubborn as hell. Another thing about me is that I rarely allow myself to give up, even when I'm terrified.

Please be warned, the story I share features drugs and abuse. It wasn't an easy story to share, and it's not an easy story to watch. So please, self-care first. Don't watch if you think you might be triggered by it.


Saturday, August 19, 2017

The Duck Pond

Reedsy writing prompt: You pass by a person sitting with their face to the sun, the most content smile you've ever seen on their face.


The Duck Pond

My favorite place on campus is the Duck Pond. It's really just a smelly, man-made hole infilled with greenish water, but living in the desert, where there are few ponds and even fewer ducks, you take what you can get. I wasn't the only one who loved the Duck Pond. Some days it was near impossible to find a square foot to sit down, but even on the days when there was plenty of room, it was rarely a secluded or quiet place. The only times I've ever seen the pond quiet was Christmas Day and New Year's Day. I guess because everyone is busy with their families on Christmas and they're too busy nursing hangovers on New Year's to care about throwing bread crusts to the scraggly ducks.

I like to go there, original English major that I am, with a book and my journal. It's a great spot to just sit and observe. It fills this need I have to be part of a group without actually having to participate. With my back resting against a tall pine and my leather journal balanced in my lap, I can sit and watch the couples lying side by side, sometimes kissing, sometimes dozing, always content. I can watch the mothers who bring their toddlers to campus to feed the ducks. The kids have no concept of how big a duck's mouth is, so they often throw whole slices of bread into the water where they get soggy and float around like mushy, white lily pads until the stinking koi tear them apart. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit I like looking at the other introverts with sketchpads or journals. I like to study their faces like tea leaves, trying to divine what they're writing. That guy over there, with the greasy ponytail and tattered Dave Matthews shirt, is writing a fantasy novel. I'm willing to bet it has both dragons and Xena-inspired warrior women with tits the size of literal melons. That mousy girl over there? She looks like she'd be writing a romance. You know, wish-fulfillment and all that, but she's not. Not in my mind, anyway. She's writing a horror novel. She might look sweet and innocent, but I bet she could dream up at least one hundred and fifty ways to kill you in thirty seconds. I recognize some of these people, others, I've never seen before.

Like the girl sitting on the rock across the pond. I walked past her as I made my way around the water, looking for a good spot. She was different from all the others. She didn't have a backpack or a book or journal. No sketch pad, no pencil, no food, or cup of coffee. She was just sitting there, hugging her knees to her chest, her face raised to the sun. Her eyes were closed, and her face was completely relaxed. She gave no impression that she was aware anyone else existed, even when a Frisbee whizzed dangerously close to her head. She had the most beatific smile on her face that I've ever seen. It was weird, and borderline creepy. She didn't have that look people get when they're meditating. That look is almost a strained kind of peaceful, as if it takes a ton of effort to look so relaxed. And it wasn't a happy kind of look; the kind when you're remembering something warm and good. It was an expression I've never seen before. If I were an artist instead of a writer, I would have plopped down across from her and started sketching her right then and there. 

I sort of felt bad for staring at her. She seemed so completely unaware of her surroundings that shame burned my cheeks. As if I were some creeper peeking in through her bedroom window instead of just another person enjoying the crappy little pond. But the shame wasn't enough to keep me from staring and wondering. I tried to journal, but I kept glancing up to see if she was still there, if she'd shifted at all, if she'd opened her eyes. I wanted to wait and see if her expression would change. If someone would join her, or if maybe she'd get bored and wander away. Every couple of minutes, no matter how hard I tried to ignore her, I found myself searching her face for some clue about who she was and what was going on in her life. 

My mind created and discarded theory after theory about the girl: She was a music major trying to hear the song in her head to the end. Her slob roommate moved out. She finally found the strength to tell her asshole boyfriend of two years to fuck off. She got news that her rapist was shot and killed in a hunting accident. She's an orphan and just found out a long-lost relative died and left her enough money to keep her flush for the rest of her life.

Somehow, though, none of the random theories I came up with seemed right. None of them hit the core of that expression. That look on her face was more than financial or emotional relief. It was more than being one hundred seventy-five pounds and an asshole lighter. Clean dishes and a vacuumed floor didn't account for her look of pure, uncomplicated peace.

I'm not an angry kind of person. I don't usually feel jealousy or irritation. Human experience is rich and diverse, and there's no point in being jealous or angry most of the time, because things always circle around. Life might be going along perfectly for a time, but eventually, there will be heartache, pain, and trouble. I figure everyone deserves to feel whatever happiness and peace they can while they can. So, it surprised me that the more I tried to figure out the reason for her contentedness, the angrier I got at her. Anger that stabbed like an icicle through my heart, freezing my blood and stealing my breath. Anger that gripped my stomach and clenched my fists. 

Who the hell did this girl think she was, sitting there on her rock like the queen of the universe? Like some transcendent Buddha come to life. Sitting there with her eyes closed, silently judging everyone around her. Feeling superior and smug because she's clearly more evolved and elevated than the rest of us plebeians. 

The urge to run over to her and shove her into the water forced a shocked, chittery laugh out of me. I had to fight hard not to follow through with that completely mean and out-of-character impulse. This sudden hostility toward a stranger scared me.  I closed my journal and shoved it and my pen into my backpack. Whatever was going on with me had nothing to do with her, and I damn well knew it. The best course of action was to walk away and leave her to her serenity. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to stand. I couldn't bring myself to turn my back and make my way to Astronomy. 

Without realizing what I was doing, I opened my mouth and screamed. I screamed louder and longer than I've ever screamed before. I screamed until my throat was hot and raw. Until I ran out of breath and tears streamed down my face. All around me, people stopped what they were doing and stared at the crazy girl screaming under the pine tree at the edge of the duck pond, and I didn't care. All I cared about was bursting the bubble of calm that surrounded the girl. 

Another deep breath and another piercing scream. The dude-bro with the Frisbee ran toward me, concern and fear crisscrossing his face like river lines on a map. The napping couple got up and walked away, throwing dirty looks at me for disturbing their afternoon in the sun. A mother picked up her little boy and hurried away. All around me, people reacted to my screams. Except the girl. She just sat there, that same damned look on her face, as if she were alone in the world. My vision blacked out everything but the girl on the rock.  We were the only people in the world, and I was going to scream until she opened her eyes and assured me I wasn't alone.